WASHINGTON—In what experts are describing as the most marked improvement in American academic performance in decades, a study released Friday by the U.S. Department of Education has found that the majority of the nation’s students have attained the skills necessary to recognize math.
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Though he has only questioned 22 of the 100 people needed to complete his survey, veteran Family Feud pollster Rick Carlysle, 42, told reporters Monday that he is already sick of asking strangers to name a fruit typically served at breakfast. "You wouldn't believe how many people have given answers like star fruit or kiwi because they think they're being clever," said Carlysle, who has been polling random cross-sections of Americans on such banal topics as the typical contents of a lady's purse since the late Ray Combs hosted the popular game show in the early '90s. "I mean, come on, this isn't that hard. Just say banana or grapefruit. Or even cantaloupe, for Christ's sake." Carlysle said that if he doesn't start getting reasonable responses within the next 20 minutes, he will just make up some numbers to finish out the survey like he always does.