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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Family Requests Privacy During This Unbelievably Awesome Time

COLUMBIA, SC—The Whittaker family asked for privacy Saturday night as they struggled to come to terms with the awesome events of their ridiculously fun week. “Given the nature of what happened here, we would greatly appreciate it if you would respect our privacy during this bitchin’ time so as not to distract anyone from all of the cool shit happening to us," said a spokesperson for the family, wearing a tuxedo with an unfastened bow tie. “Therefore, we will not be making any further comments to the media for the foreseeable future. Woooo!” In lieu of flowers, the family respectfully asked that people send pizza and beer and keep it coming.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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