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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Family Saved By Three-Way Inflatable Goat

MIAMI—A family of four, rescued Monday after floating in the Gulf of Mexico for nearly two weeks, credited its salvation to the father's aberrant sex toy. The Clowes family and its luggage were swept from the deck of a Carnival Cruise ship during a freak storm. Father Gerald Clowes, a librarian, reluctantly inflated "Pink-Hole: The Three-Way Inflatable Goat" only after his toddler children, Ben and Tricia, began to drown. The two children clung to Pink-Hole for 13 days before being saved by a boat of Haitian refugees.

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