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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Family Wealthy Enough To Have The Kind Of Refrigerator Doors That Blend Into Cabinets

MCLEAN, VA—Acknowledging they had trouble locating the appliance at first, guests of local couple Steven and Diane Bazelon reported Monday that the two are apparently wealthy enough to have the type of refrigerator that blends into the kitchen’s cabinets. “I knew Steve and Diane had some money, but when I noticed that the cupboard I was looking at was actually a fridge, I realized they were even richer than I thought,” friend and recent houseguest Sam Dockery said, noting that the refrigerator contained two neatly arranged rows of Fiji water bottles and that the kitchen had its own pretty big flat-screen TV. “Not only that, but their bathroom has a shower with one showerhead on top and two on the side, and a sink that’s just one of those big bowls resting on top of a pedestal. They’re loaded.” Dockery added that he should have known the Bazelons were that well-off when he pulled into their circular driveway.

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