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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Fan At Indians Game Upset To Find Someone Else In His Section

CLEVELAND—Having made his way up the series of ramps to Progressive Field’s upper deck, 32-year-old Cleveland Indians fan Bradley Hunt’s excitement for the upcoming game against the Texas Rangers quickly shifted to frustration after finding another person sitting in his section, sources confirmed Friday. “Oh, come on, what is this guy doing here?” Hunt said in reference to the lone man in the sea of empty rows overlooking right field, noting that there were plenty of other unoccupied upper deck sections nearby where one could sit and watch the game alone from an equally good vantage point. “It’s so annoying to climb all the way up here expecting to grab my section, only to find some random guy took it. I mean, I paid $14 for this. It’s ridiculous.” At press time, having failed to sort the situation out diplomatically, an irate Hunt was searching for the stadium’s lone usher to escort the man out.

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