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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Fan At Indians Game Upset To Find Someone Else In His Section

CLEVELAND—Having made his way up the series of ramps to Progressive Field’s upper deck, 32-year-old Cleveland Indians fan Bradley Hunt’s excitement for the upcoming game against the Texas Rangers quickly shifted to frustration after finding another person sitting in his section, sources confirmed Friday. “Oh, come on, what is this guy doing here?” Hunt said in reference to the lone man in the sea of empty rows overlooking right field, noting that there were plenty of other unoccupied upper deck sections nearby where one could sit and watch the game alone from an equally good vantage point. “It’s so annoying to climb all the way up here expecting to grab my section, only to find some random guy took it. I mean, I paid $14 for this. It’s ridiculous.” At press time, having failed to sort the situation out diplomatically, an irate Hunt was searching for the stadium’s lone usher to escort the man out.

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