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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Fan Incredibly Disappointed To Learn Player's Favorite Book Is The Bible

OKLAHOMA CITY—Upon learning that Thunder star Kevin Durant's favorite book is the Bible, Dale Lowell, 36, told reporters Friday that he was "super disappointed" and said he would have to reassess his entire opinion of the Oklahoma City forward. "It would really suck if he was one of these really outspoken religious guys," a visibly deflated Lowell said after reading an ESPN The Magazine article in which Durant claimed he looked to the Bible before games for inspiration. "But either he really believes all that stuff, or he just thinks that having the Bible be his favorite book is a safe answer, which is almost as bad. You watch him play and you just assume he's so much cooler than that." Lowell added he was equally disappointed when he found out Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook's favorite book is To Kill A Mockingbird.

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