adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

Fan Just Going To Keep Open Mind About Whether New ‘Star Wars’ Best Or Worst Movie Ever

CHICAGO—In an effort to avoid making a judgment before he even enters the theater, local fan Mike Siedler confirmed Wednesday that he was going into tomorrow’s premiere with an open mind about whether Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the best or worst movie ever made. “It’s easy to jump to conclusions over such a highly anticipated movie, but I’m trying to be impartial about whether it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen or a colossal disappointment that will forever taint my treasured childhood memories,” said Siedler, adding that he would do his best to hold off on deciding if the film deserves to be immediately hailed as an all-time cinema classic alongside A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, or railed against as a crass commercial cash-in that makes the prequels look good in comparison. “I grew up on these movies, so I’m obviously bringing a lot of expectations, but I’ll try to be unbiased before determining if the new characters and storylines are an exciting direction for the series or a complete betrayal of everything Star Wars should be. Ultimately, if I can keep some perspective on whether J.J. Abrams is a genius who restored the magic and wonder of the Star Wars franchise or a talentless hack who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a film set, I’ll enjoy the movie more.” Siedler further added that he would refrain from deciding whether to spend half or all of his paycheck on The Force Awakens merchandise until after the film.


More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close