adBlockCheck

Fan Just Going To Keep Open Mind About Whether New ‘Star Wars’ Best Or Worst Movie Ever

Top Headlines

Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Fan Just Going To Keep Open Mind About Whether New ‘Star Wars’ Best Or Worst Movie Ever

CHICAGO—In an effort to avoid making a judgment before he even enters the theater, local fan Mike Siedler confirmed Wednesday that he was going into tomorrow’s premiere with an open mind about whether Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the best or worst movie ever made. “It’s easy to jump to conclusions over such a highly anticipated movie, but I’m trying to be impartial about whether it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen or a colossal disappointment that will forever taint my treasured childhood memories,” said Siedler, adding that he would do his best to hold off on deciding if the film deserves to be immediately hailed as an all-time cinema classic alongside A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, or railed against as a crass commercial cash-in that makes the prequels look good in comparison. “I grew up on these movies, so I’m obviously bringing a lot of expectations, but I’ll try to be unbiased before determining if the new characters and storylines are an exciting direction for the series or a complete betrayal of everything Star Wars should be. Ultimately, if I can keep some perspective on whether J.J. Abrams is a genius who restored the magic and wonder of the Star Wars franchise or a talentless hack who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a film set, I’ll enjoy the movie more.” Siedler further added that he would refrain from deciding whether to spend half or all of his paycheck on The Force Awakens merchandise until after the film.


WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close