BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.
CHICAGO—Thirty-two-year-old Sam Weber, who was wearing the color combination and various paraphernalia indicative of his fandom for a team other then the one hosting the sporting event he was attending, was booed by the other 75,000 fans present in the arena last Sunday when a projection of his face was shown on the facility's large television. "The fact that he had the gall to come into our building with every intention of showing his loyalty and devotion to the team playing our own was enough to warrant that type of hostile response," said Derek Glass, who, like the majority of fans present, was reportedly against the success of the other team and, by extension, any one individual who was for that success. "What a cocksucker." Glass added that when it was clear that Weber's team was going to lose the contest, his visibly depressed countenance was projected on the screen a second time, prompting a standing ovation.