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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Fan Prefers Tarantino's Early Work When He Was Shelving Movies All Day At Video Store

DANVILLE, CA—Despite being a fan of the visionary director's entire film catalog, local 29-year-old Charles Knox admitted Tuesday that he prefers Quentin Tarantino's work from his early days as a clerk at the Los Angeles–area Video Archives movie rental store. "I'm really into his pre–Reservoir Dogs stuff, when he was shelving VHS tapes, working the register, doing the inventory once a week, and just completely killing it," said Knox, arguing that from the mid to late '80s Tarantino was "absolutely at the top his game." "People could walk in there any time of day and he'd point them to the new releases, all the while talking a mile-a-minute about why Rio Bravo is the greatest Western ever made. That, to me, was classic Tarantino." Knox added that he is also a big fan of the work James Cameron did in his early 20s as a Southern California–based truck driver.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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