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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Fan Steals Derek Jeter From Yankee Stadium

NEW YORK—Lifelong Yankees fan Martin Stenowitz, 52, became one of many who took home a piece of Yankee Stadium property Sunday night when he stole All-Star shortstop Derek Jeter off the field after the game. "I wanted my own little piece of Yankee Stadium history, so when I saw Derek Jeter just standing there, I thought, what the heck," said Stenowitz, who carefully folded the game-used Yankee shortstop into his backpack and exited the stadium before security personnel or New York City police could apprehend him. Stenowitz now proudly displays Jeter on the mantel of his New Rochelle, NY home, next to the program from the final game and Bernie Williams' head. The Yankee organization is demanding that Derek Jeter be immediately returned to the team in his original condition, as the Yankees were planning to sell him for $400.

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