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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Fanatically Devoted Nerd Could Potentially Turn On Simon Pegg At Any Moment

DURHAM, NC—Despite being a long-avowed fan of the British comedian, actor, and director, local nerd Josh Russell is liable to turn against Simon Pegg without any warning whatsoever, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Right now he loves Pegg’s stuff, but knowing Josh, 45 seconds from now he could be talking about how, in hindsight, Shaun Of The Dead and Hot Fuzz weren’t all that great,” said Russell’s friend Chandra Hughes, noting how the 37-year-old is capable of sudden, unprompted reversals of opinion on nearly any topic. “In the blink of an eye he might very well start calling them ‘cheap, hack-job slapstick’ and asking if we’re ‘really still watching Simon Pegg in 2013.’ It will be like his Joss Whedon reversal all over again.” At press time, sources indicated that Russell had just finished watching The World’s End and was letting out an equivocal sigh, seemingly gathering his thoughts, and preparing to speak.

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