adBlockCheck

Fans Disappointed To Learn 'Fast Five' Contains No Car-Chase Scenes

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Fans Disappointed To Learn 'Fast Five' Contains No Car-Chase Scenes

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Devoted fans of the Fast And Furious movies expressed disappointment upon leaving theaters this weekend, reporting that Fast Five, the latest installment in the franchise, does not include a single car-chase scene. "You see a bunch of cool-looking cars revving their engines at red lights, but just before they hit the gas, the action cuts away to a coffee shop, where the main characters discuss what a great car chase they just had," said moviegoer Ben Liddell, explaining that while the film's plot remains tightly focused on street racing, all the driving takes place off camera. "The only time you even see a vehicle in motion is at the very end, when Vin Diesel and Paul Walker park their cars and go inside." Broadway director Julie Taymor is reportedly at work on a stage production of Fast Five that will contain more than a dozen extended and elaborately choreographed car-chase sequences.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close