Fans Disappointed To Learn 'Fast Five' Contains No Car-Chase Scenes

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Vol 47 Issue 18

Area Woman Marries Into Health Insurance

SAN FRANCISCO—The motives of local woman Janet Debois, 28, came under scrutiny Sunday following accusations that she had only married Vince Davidson, 31, for his generous health insurance policy.

U.S. Sets Tornado Record

The National Weather Service reported a new record for number of tornadoes in a day, with 312 counted in a 24-hour period last week.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Small Business

Fans Disappointed To Learn 'Fast Five' Contains No Car-Chase Scenes

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Devoted fans of the Fast And Furious movies expressed disappointment upon leaving theaters this weekend, reporting that Fast Five, the latest installment in the franchise, does not include a single car-chase scene. "You see a bunch of cool-looking cars revving their engines at red lights, but just before they hit the gas, the action cuts away to a coffee shop, where the main characters discuss what a great car chase they just had," said moviegoer Ben Liddell, explaining that while the film's plot remains tightly focused on street racing, all the driving takes place off camera. "The only time you even see a vehicle in motion is at the very end, when Vin Diesel and Paul Walker park their cars and go inside." Broadway director Julie Taymor is reportedly at work on a stage production of Fast Five that will contain more than a dozen extended and elaborately choreographed car-chase sequences.

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