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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Fans Of High-Pitched Pinging Sounds Tune In For College World Series

OMAHA, NE—With the NCAA baseball regionals underway, fans of high-pitched pinging tones are already anticipating an exciting and auditorially rich College World Series. "Lovers of baseball and of percussive metallic upper-treble sonic phenomena wait all year for this," longtime LSU fan Greg Nguyen told reporters Friday, adding that he will take time off from his job as a sonar technician on the submarine USS San Juan to go to Omaha later this month. "I'm rooting for the Tigers, I guess, but really I'm just hoping for a lot of loud, resonant aluminum to cork-encased-with-cowhide contact." If his team wins the College World Series, Nguyen plans to propose to his girlfriend, fellow baseball fan and professional glockenspiel player Noelle McAdams.

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