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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Fans Of High-Pitched Pinging Sounds Tune In For College World Series

OMAHA, NE—With the NCAA baseball regionals underway, fans of high-pitched pinging tones are already anticipating an exciting and auditorially rich College World Series. "Lovers of baseball and of percussive metallic upper-treble sonic phenomena wait all year for this," longtime LSU fan Greg Nguyen told reporters Friday, adding that he will take time off from his job as a sonar technician on the submarine USS San Juan to go to Omaha later this month. "I'm rooting for the Tigers, I guess, but really I'm just hoping for a lot of loud, resonant aluminum to cork-encased-with-cowhide contact." If his team wins the College World Series, Nguyen plans to propose to his girlfriend, fellow baseball fan and professional glockenspiel player Noelle McAdams.

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