Fans Of Victorious Nobel Laureates Riot In Stockholm

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Vol 47 Issue 41

Report: All The Good Seashells Taken

CORAL GABLES, FL—According to a report released Monday by a group of environmental researchers, all the good seashells worth picking up and bringing home have already been taken, a development that threatens the very future of shell collection regionally.

Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence

Following a dispute between city and county officials over who should pay to prosecute offenders, the Topeka City Council voted to decriminalize misdemeanor domestic violence. What do you think?

Hollywood Announces Plan To Remake Jimmy Stewart

Congress passes a law requiring every U.S. dog to wear a neckerchief, a report shows that your mother is silently weeping about you right now, and an actor sometimes feels silly pretending to be somebody else. It's the week of October 10th, 2011.
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Fans Of Victorious Nobel Laureates Riot In Stockholm

STOCKHOLM—The annual announcement of Nobel Prize winners was once again marred by vandalism this year, with triumphant fans of the 2011 laureates mobbing Stockholm streets last week, breaking shop windows and setting bonfires as they celebrated remarkable achievements in economics, physics, medicine, and other disciplines. "Fuck yeah, rapidly solidified alloys shown by means of electron diffraction to possess icosahedral symmetry—a little phenomenon known as quasicrystallinity, bitches!" said one chemistry fan who helped overturn a parked car as a mob chanted the name of prizewinner Daniel Shechtman. "Number one, motherfuckers!" Nobel officials said this year's rioting is Stockholm's worst since 1971, when Chilean poet Pablo Neruda's prize for literature sparked three days of bloody unrest that left 19 dead.

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