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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Fantasized Argument Getting Pretty Intense

BELMONT, MA­­—Escalating over the course of 20 minutes from a restrained discussion with a coworker to a heated confrontation between multiple members of his management team, the fantasized argument currently taking place in the mind of Digital Ventures, Inc. employee Jesse Newman is getting pretty intense, sources confirmed today. “You’re talking to me about incompetence? Me?” Newman said in his mind while furrowing his brow and letting the entirely fictitious dispute go to an increasingly frank and emotionally charged place. “Mark, no one in this room agrees with you. Why? Because they don’t respect you. And they never have. And if you honestly believe that what you do around here is in any way vital, or important, or irreplaceable, then you are out of your mind. Absolutely out of your mind. No…you made it personal by insinuating that I wasn’t up to the task.” At press time, a blood vessel was just becoming visible on Newman’s temple.

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