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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Fantasized Argument Getting Pretty Intense

BELMONT, MA­­—Escalating over the course of 20 minutes from a restrained discussion with a coworker to a heated confrontation between multiple members of his management team, the fantasized argument currently taking place in the mind of Digital Ventures, Inc. employee Jesse Newman is getting pretty intense, sources confirmed today. “You’re talking to me about incompetence? Me?” Newman said in his mind while furrowing his brow and letting the entirely fictitious dispute go to an increasingly frank and emotionally charged place. “Mark, no one in this room agrees with you. Why? Because they don’t respect you. And they never have. And if you honestly believe that what you do around here is in any way vital, or important, or irreplaceable, then you are out of your mind. Absolutely out of your mind. No…you made it personal by insinuating that I wasn’t up to the task.” At press time, a blood vessel was just becoming visible on Newman’s temple.

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