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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Father And Son Take Incredibly Sad Annual Trip To Florida To Watch Mets In Spring Training

PORT ST. LUCIE, FL—In a long-standing and pathetic family tradition, father and son Anthony and Justin Stroud this week made their incredibly depressing annual trip down to Florida to watch the New York Mets play in spring training, sources confirmed Sunday. “Every year, me and Justin load up the minivan and head down to Tradition Field to watch our Metropolitans shake off the old cobwebs,” said Anthony Stroud, who sadly drove 18 hours from Trenton, NJ with his 24-year-old son to purchase $8 tickets for the Mets’ exhibition matchup against the Atlanta Braves. “It’s a bit of a hike, but it’s great to get up-close and personal not just with established Mets stars like John Buck and Lucas Duda, but also promising up-and-comers like Jenrry Mejia and Jordany Valdespin. Something tells me this is going to be a magical season.” At press time, the father and son were pitifully attempting to cheer on the Mets.

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