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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Father Not Letting Firstborn Repeat Mistakes He Made As Nine-Month-Old

NAPERVILLE, IL—Citing a desire to ensure that his nine-month-old son, Jason, stays on the right path, Bill Yardley told reporters yesterday that he is determined not to let the infant make the same mistakes he made at that age.

"Back then, I didn't know my place in the world—I was young, directionless, aimless—and I don't want him to fall into those same bad habits," Yardley said, adding that he vowed to discourage his son from the same immature fixation with breasts that "set the tone for [his] entire misguided youth." "I only behaved that way to get attention. It was stupid. He's got his whole life ahead of him, and I just don't want him to ruin it."

Yardley added that he knew his son was starting to follow in his footsteps when Jason began "hitting the bottle" earlier and earlier each morning.

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