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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Father's Day Gift Way Shittier Than Mother's Day Gift

TOPEKA, KS—For the seventh year in a row, the Father's Day gift that Robert Frankel, 48, received from his children Sunday was way shittier than the Mother's Day gift his wife received five weeks earlier. "Wow, thanks, Marc and Erica, they're great," Frankel said, as he unwrapped a $9 pair of padded socks. "These should really keep me warm." The gift, which stood in sharp contrast to the $85 day-spa gift certificate the children lovingly gave their mother on May 11, was presented without a card.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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