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Favorite Stick Brought Inside

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

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The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting
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Favorite Stick Brought Inside

DENVER—Discarding a number of twigs that did not conform to his high standards, Nicholas Thompson, 5, finally selected a favorite stick from his backyard Friday, deeming the 24-inch Norway maple branch to be sufficient in length and sturdiness to be brought inside his home. "This is a good stick," said Thompson, who evaluated the piece of wood and determined it made a cool whooshing noise. "And it's magic. So it can turn into a wizard's wand and poke bad guys." Thompson family sources reported that since the beginning of 2009 Nicholas has brought 11 favorite rocks, 17 preferred pinecones, and one beloved handful of dirt into their home.

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