FBI Raids Fridge

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

FBI Raids Fridge

WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprise midnight raid Monday, FBI agents seized the contents of the break-room refrigerator in the J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building. "We had reason to believe there were still some Chinese leftovers from Friday," FBI director Louis Freeh told reporters. "And our files indicated that the General Tsao's Chicken was already three days old, so we couldn't afford to drag our feet on the matter." Whether FBI agents overstepped their bounds by seizing a container of cashew chicken that had "Michelle S." clearly written on it in magic marker is currently under review by the Justice Department.