FBI Uncovers Plot To 'Sex And The City 2'

Top Headlines


Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 6, 2015

ARIES: One of the worst moments of a person's life is when they finally realize that they're mortal and are going to die, especially when it's a person like you who only sees the cement truck at the last second.

A Timeline Of Upcoming Superhero Movies

Following the massive successes of the Spider-Man, Batman, Avengers, and X-Men franchises, studios Marvel and DC Entertainment have announced as many as 40 upcoming superhero movies to be released over the next six years ...

Sesame Street’s 45th Anniversary: A Look Back

Sesame Street, the long-running PBS children’s television show starring a cast of Jim Henson muppets who teach children basic learning concepts and introduce them to difficult issues, turns 45 this week.

TV Show Under Fire For Depicting Murder

LOS ANGELES—In what is being described as perhaps the most shocking and distasteful moment in broadcast history, the popular primetime television show Criminal Minds is facing heavy criticism today for airing an episode that depicted the act ...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Eating


FBI Uncovers Plot To 'Sex And The City 2'

FBI sources warn the gals will let nothing—not even boyfriends or babies—get in the way of their friendship this time.
FBI sources warn the gals will let nothing—not even boyfriends or babies—get in the way of their friendship this time.

WASHINGTON—Following an extensive eight month investigation, the FBI announced this week that it had learned of the potentially devastating plot to Sex And The City 2.

Speaking at an emergency press conference Tuesday, FBI director Robert S. Mueller revealed details of the "chilling" romantic-comedy plot, which he claimed could put millions of moviegoers at risk.

"We have strong reason to believe that on the morning of May 27, 2010, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha will once again be unleashed on the American public," Mueller said. "While many details still remain unclear, including how large of a role Mr. Big will ultimately play, our intelligence indicates that countless men and women could soon be made to suffer."

"The gals are back," the FBI director continued. "God help us all."

The terrifying plot, which is expected to last approximately two hours, and which appears capable of irritating on a scale never before witnessed, is being treated as a very serious threat by the FBI.

According to federal operatives, unless preemptive measures are taken, Americans will likely face a barrage of highly orchestrated puns, overindulgent displays of fashion, and several rounds of Samantha droning on and on endlessly about her most recent sexual exploit.

Even more troubling, however, is evidence indicating that Stanford Blatch—Carrie's insufferable gay friend and confidant—may be directly involved in the plot.

"We're placing the entire nation on high alert until we are able to confirm reports, but at this time, it does appear as though Miranda and perhaps Charlotte will be riding atop a camel in one scene," said FBI deputy director John S. Pistole, shaking his head in disgust. "Whatever the goal of this…this Sex And The City 2 may be, one thing is certain: This plot was devised for the sole purpose of spreading terror."

"Terror and pain," Pistole continued. "Terror and pain and apparently a 15-minute brunch conversation pertaining to menopause."

According to agents, the FBI first heard rumors of the plot in August of last year, when Internet chatter picked up from People magazine's website was found to contain several red flags, including repeated mentions of "the girls throwing on their high heels one last time."

By late October, operatives had uncovered a crude plot device, the details of which they would not reveal for fear of alarming an already-tense public. They also came across several script pages hinting that the fabulous foursome would be traveling to Abu Dhabi for a week of decadence, glamour, and no-limit fun. No action was taken at that time, however, because investigators believed the likelihood of anyone carrying out a plot based on such a flimsy premise was "preposterous at best."

The FBI now admits it was wrong.

"For your safety, and the safety of those closest to you, we advise all Americans to stay indoors on May 27," Mueller said. "Women in their mid-30s, especially those with questionable tastes and few actual interests, should remain extra vigilant during this time."

Added Mueller, "Their boyfriends, husbands, and fiancés are also believed to be at risk."

This isn't the first time the FBI has been criticized for failing to prevent a devastating Hollywood plot. In the summer of 1999, thousands of Americans were tragically exposed to Notting Hill, despite the fact that the bureau was aware of the threat months in advance.

Some, however, are less concerned about the danger posed by Sex And The City 2, and are accusing the U.S. government of fearmongering.

"To me this just sounds like another case of grandstanding on the part of the FBI," said Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), who recommended that all Americans continue with their lives as usual on May 27. "After all, you know how the FBI can get sometimes, what with the freaking out all the time and acting like every little thing might lead to the end of the world. They're total Mirandas."

Next Story