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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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FBI: 'You Know You’re Desperate When You’re Asking The American People For Help'

WASHINGTON—Saying that the last thing he ever wanted to do was ask “311 million mouth-breathing morons” for help, the Federal Bureau of Investigation freely admitted Thursday that by enlisting the services of the American people in apprehending the Boston Marathon bombers, the government agency had reached a new level of desperation. “Clearly I never wanted this to get to a point where I would have to stand here, hat in hand, asking the same group of people who make The Voice the No. 1 show on television for their help,” a visibly deflated FBI Special Agent in Charge Rick DesLauriers said during a press conference, after which he sighed, put up the FBI’s toll-free number, and said, “Have at it, idiots.” “But this is where we’re at. I can’t believe I’m actually going to say these words, but America, we need you.” Sources later confirmed that after listening to the first 10 calls made by American citizens into the FBI, investigators had reportedly disconnected the number and were asking citizens of Sweden and Germany if they knew anything about the two bombing suspects.

Continuing coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings

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