adBlockCheck

FCC To Fine Americans Who Don't Keep Up With TV Shows

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

FCC To Fine Americans Who Don't Keep Up With TV Shows

WASHINGTON—Announcing that it would no longer allow Americans to fall behind, the Federal Communications Commission introduced a plan Monday to levy steep fines on anyone failing to keep up with the nation's TV shows. "Our economy lost more than $200 billion in productivity this year with people taking time out of their day to explain what happened last night on Mad Men," FCC chairman Julius Genachowski said. "Staying abreast of popular culture is the responsibility of every citizen. Unless we're talking about a show like Weeds, which, frankly, hasn't been that good since season two." The agency confirmed penalties would be reduced for citizens who agree to issue a minimum of three Facebook posts stating their intention to finally catch up on True Blood this weekend.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close