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FCC To Fine Americans Who Don't Keep Up With TV Shows

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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FCC To Fine Americans Who Don't Keep Up With TV Shows

WASHINGTON—Announcing that it would no longer allow Americans to fall behind, the Federal Communications Commission introduced a plan Monday to levy steep fines on anyone failing to keep up with the nation's TV shows. "Our economy lost more than $200 billion in productivity this year with people taking time out of their day to explain what happened last night on Mad Men," FCC chairman Julius Genachowski said. "Staying abreast of popular culture is the responsibility of every citizen. Unless we're talking about a show like Weeds, which, frankly, hasn't been that good since season two." The agency confirmed penalties would be reduced for citizens who agree to issue a minimum of three Facebook posts stating their intention to finally catch up on True Blood this weekend.

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