FCC To Fine Americans Who Don't Keep Up With TV Shows

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Vol 47 Issue 01

Modern-Day Cowboy Rides 18-Wheeler Full Of Entenmann's Products Westward

SOLOMON, KS—Awakening to the lonely howl of a distant coyote early Tuesday morning, C.J. Hoppel climbs into his 18-wheeler and sets off westward across a barren stretch of unbroken prairie, the whipping wind his only companion as he pulls a rig full of Entenmann's baked goods and snack cakes across the plains.

Robert Gibbs Stepping Down

While House press secretary Robert Gibbs announced he would be leaving his position as White House press secretary to work as a political adviser.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

FCC To Fine Americans Who Don't Keep Up With TV Shows

WASHINGTON—Announcing that it would no longer allow Americans to fall behind, the Federal Communications Commission introduced a plan Monday to levy steep fines on anyone failing to keep up with the nation's TV shows. "Our economy lost more than $200 billion in productivity this year with people taking time out of their day to explain what happened last night on Mad Men," FCC chairman Julius Genachowski said. "Staying abreast of popular culture is the responsibility of every citizen. Unless we're talking about a show like Weeds, which, frankly, hasn't been that good since season two." The agency confirmed penalties would be reduced for citizens who agree to issue a minimum of three Facebook posts stating their intention to finally catch up on True Blood this weekend.

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