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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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FDA Approves Female-Libido-Enhancing Man

WASHINGTON—In an effort to address the needs of women suffering from a lack of sexual desire, the FDA announced Tuesday that it had approved a new female-libido-enhancing man, which is expected to be made available to the general public by year’s end. “After conducting numerous trials on hundreds of female subjects with low sex drives, we determined that this man significantly increased sexual interest among women of all ages,” said FDA representative Jane Newlon, who noted that using the 75kg man, known as Gabriel, every day had been shown to activate the regions of the brain associated with pleasure, increase blood flow to the genitals, and boost instances of orgasm by almost 40 percent. “We observed a sharp rise in libido immediately after the man is introduced, with stimulative effects lasting for up to four hours at a time. In a marketplace dominated by male-libido-enhancing products, it is a significant milestone to finally have a safe, effective option for women who want to increase their arousal, and that is exactly what this man offers.” Newlon went on to warn consumers that when mixed with alcohol, the man becomes much less effective.


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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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