adBlockCheck

Recent News

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
End Of Section
  • More News

FDA Approves New Drug For Treating Pill Deficiencies

WASHINGTON—In what is being considered a major breakthrough for the millions of Americans suffering from a severe lack of capsules and tablets, the FDA announced Friday that it had approved a new drug for treating pill deficiencies. “After months of clinical testing, our studies show that regular usage of this drug provides an immediate boost to the number of caplets in the patient’s body,” said FDA spokesperson Anita Brown-Reed, noting that the fast-acting medication is safe for people of all ages who currently experience symptoms of pill shortage, such as seeing just one or two bottles of medicine in their bathroom cabinet or swallowing capsules twice a week or less. “Certainly those with dangerously low levels of pills may need to take a stronger dosage, possibly three or even four of these 500 mg tablets per day, based on their physician’s recommendation. Overall, however, this treatment appears to provide hope for the countless Americans who are currently living with an entire empty row in their pillbox.” Brown-Reed noted, however, that the new pill may leave patients with an increased risk of co-pays.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close