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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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FDA Declares Munchos To Be Good Source Of Disodium Guanylate

WASHINGTON, DC–In a report released Monday, the FDA officially recommended Munchos potato crisps as a good source of disodium guanylate. "Consumers who don't get enough disodium guanylate would do well to increase their Muncho intake," the report read. "While a balanced diet that includes three daily servings of Fritos, Funyuns and Andy Capp's Hot Fries provides all the essential additives and preservatives, Munchos are an especially good source of DSG."

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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