adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Notable Female Writers Throughout History

Jane Austen died 200 years ago today, but she continues to be widely read and influential to today’s writers. The Onion highlights some of the most notable female authors throughout history.
End Of Section
  • More News

FDA: Juicy Green Apple Conditioner Best Used With Juicy Green Apple Shampoo

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a warning issued by the Food and Drug Administration Monday, a generous amount of Suave Naturals Juicy Green Apple Conditioner should always be applied evenly and massaged into wet hair after washing with Suave Naturals Juicy Green Apple Shampoo.

"This is absolutely essential for optimal shine, shimmer, and texture," said FDA spokeswoman Linda Mergens, who urged Americans to grab the product off the shelves and buy it after health officials discovered that the shampoo contains vitamin E, which is crucial for bringing out the natural beauty in hair. "Consumers should never under any circumstances mix Suave Naturals Juicy Green Apple Conditioner with Pert Plus, as it may impair luster."

The FDA also warned that failure to use the product properly could result in hair not smelling like apples.

More from this section

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close