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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Federal Law Enforcement Officials Unveil New Food-Crime Equivalency Ratings

WASHINGTON (AP)—A unilateral caucus of the nation’s law enforcement officials yesterday unveiled America’s new food-crime equivalency ratings for 1996 .

Passed unanimously, the ratings take effect May 1 and will be enforced in all 50 states, as well as Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Initially enforced on a state-by-state basis, 1996 will mark the first time the ratings are consistent throughout the nation.

The nation’s governors expressed relief that each state’s worst food-crime offenders could no longer simply go across the border to a state with more lenient punishments for certain food crimes.

Said Maine Governor William Ryan: “I am very comfortable knowing that if someone is caught with poultry in my state, they will now be subject to the same criminal charges (manslaughter) as they would in any other state.”

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Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:

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