FedEx Cup Chase Intensifies As PGA Multiplies All Scores By 1 Million

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Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend's Reaction

Local resident Ethan Kendler's description of his sexual fantasies to girlfriend Rebecca LaBatt veered awkwardly from the kinky to the banal Sunday, as a raunchy but emotionally honest expression of carnal desire degenerated into inoffensive, marginally erotic entreaties.
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FedEx Cup Chase Intensifies As PGA Multiplies All Scores By 1 Million

ATLANTA—Responding to criticism from players and fans that the inaugural year of the PGA Tour's FedEx Cup Championship has failed to become the climactic season-ending event that tour officials had hoped, Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem announced  yesterday that every player's current FedEx points total would be multiplied by 1 million. "I think the chase for the FedEx Cup is even more incredibly exciting now," Finchem told reporters during a press conference Wednesday from East Lake Golf Club, site of the year-ending Tour Championship. "Did you see that Tiger Woods has an astounding 30,574,000,000 points? Sure, Vijay Singh is still proportionally the same distance behind him with 19,129,000,000, but just look at the size of those scores. How could anyone see those and not be excited?" When informed of the commissioner's decision, Tiger Woods cast doubts on the validity of the FedEx Cup and all of the PGA Tour's long-term goals by saying "I don't care."

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