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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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FedEx Cup Chase Intensifies As PGA Multiplies All Scores By 1 Million

ATLANTA—Responding to criticism from players and fans that the inaugural year of the PGA Tour's FedEx Cup Championship has failed to become the climactic season-ending event that tour officials had hoped, Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem announced  yesterday that every player's current FedEx points total would be multiplied by 1 million. "I think the chase for the FedEx Cup is even more incredibly exciting now," Finchem told reporters during a press conference Wednesday from East Lake Golf Club, site of the year-ending Tour Championship. "Did you see that Tiger Woods has an astounding 30,574,000,000 points? Sure, Vijay Singh is still proportionally the same distance behind him with 19,129,000,000, but just look at the size of those scores. How could anyone see those and not be excited?" When informed of the commissioner's decision, Tiger Woods cast doubts on the validity of the FedEx Cup and all of the PGA Tour's long-term goals by saying "I don't care."

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