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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

Female Athletes Making Great Strides In Attractiveness

LOS ANGELES—In the wake of the Summer Olympics, during which many American women achieved a level of media attention often reserved for men, sports fans are pleased to report that female athletes are continuing to make great strides in their personal appearances.

Maria Sharapova.

"As recently as 20 years ago, women's sports were for hardcore fans only, most of them women," Gary Hoenig, editor of ESPN The Magazine, said Monday. "But due in a large part to the superior facial features of women like Maria Sharapova, the media have turned a spotlight on female athletics—and Americans of both genders are tuning in."

According to Hoenig, coverage of female athletes is no longer relegated to the back pages of sports magazines.

"Female players are finally being recognized by a larger audience—they're getting larger photos in the newspapers, appearing on talk shows, and taking the covers of magazines like Maxim and Playboy," Hoenig said. "As these ladies get prettier, that exposure will only grow."

Although women's athletics have produced the occasional good-looking stars, like tennis great Chris Evert or gymnast Mary Lou Retton, women like U.S. soccer champions Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain have raised the bar.

"In the old days, when people talked about the female athletes of the day, words like 'perky,' 'fit,' and even 'handsome' would be used," Hoenig said. "Today, you hear words like 'sexy,' 'hot,' and even 'fuckable.' These women athletes are more attractive than ever, and the nation is taking notice."

Experts say the massive popularity of tennis champ Anna Kournikova has had an undeniable effect on female athletics, as well.

"Anna changed the way people see female athletes," Hoenig said. "She's not just focused on being a star on the court. She wants to star at red-carpet events, in the gossip pages, and in her own line of swimsuit calendars. That she never won a singles tournament and barely cracked the Top 10 ranking during her athletic career doesn't change the fact that she looks incredibly hot in a tennis ensemble."

Though some female athletes make beauty seem effortless, it isn't, Hoenig said.

U.S. Olympic high jumper Amy Acuff.

"Six-pack abs don't just happen," Hoenig said. "These ladies work. Sure, some of their fabulous strides in appearance can be traced back to superior genes, but Mother Nature only gets you so far. Jennie Finch, pitcher for the U.S. Olympic softball team, reported that she spends as many as six hours a day at the gym."

"It shows," he added.

Hoenig also applauded the increased effort women athletes are putting into fashion.

"Serena Williams, with her wide assortment of outfits, exemplifies the changing face of women's sports," Hoenig said. "And don't forget lady jocks like Mary Sauer and Haley Cope. Do you know how difficult it is to be as physically active as these women are and still have long hair? Without it, you aren't likely to get on the cover of FHM."

According to Frank Borne, author of Great Strides, younger generations are more willing to embrace good-looking women athletes than are older sports fans. As a result, more sports franchises are now seeking attractive individuals to serve as the faces and firm bodies representing their respective teams.

"It's so refreshing to see more female athletes overcome hurdles," Borne said. "Thanks to their superior facial features and careful attention to hair and clothing, many of these girls are achieving what would have been thought impossible a few decades ago. Perhaps someday, women athletes will be pretty enough to rank among the nation's top actresses and models."

Unfortunately, Borne said, professional sports organizations, by focusing on the women's athletic achievements, sometimes hamper the players' ability to draw a crowd.

"A lot of athletes find themselves hamstrung by the rules of their own teams," Borne said. "It wouldn't hurt the WNBA to come up with sexier team outfits. Do you realize how much their audience would broaden if more of these girls were allowed some time off to model on the side? Tastefully done semi-nude photo shoots bring a lot of attention to the players and the sports they play."

Added Borne: "Isn't that what any athlete really wants—to bring her sport and team more glory? I think it is."

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