adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Female Boss Walking Around Like She Owns The Place

SACRAMENTO, CA—Lydia Bernoldini, the CEO of financial services firm Bernoldini & Co., consistently uses her personal carriage and manner of verbal address to establish a commanding presence in the workplace, her staff reported. "I don't know where Lydia gets off acting like the big cheese all the damn time," said James Halterfeyer of his boss, whom he described as "bossy." "She acts like what she says goes, even if I don't agree with it entirely." Roughly 65 percent of Bernoldini employees echoed Halterfeyer's sentiments, specifically mentioning her refusal to be addressed as "Lydia" and the fact that female employment had swelled to 35 percent of the company since Bernoldini took over from her father in 2002.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close