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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Female Trump Supporters Just Feel More Comfortable With GOP Candidate Who’s Openly Horrible To Them

MANCHESTER, NH—Describing the current Republican frontrunner’s frankness on the topic as a welcome change of pace in the crowded race, female supporters of Donald Trump told reporters Monday they simply felt more comfortable backing a candidate who is openly hostile and belittling toward them. “It’s actually pretty refreshing to have a candidate who’s willing to come right out and disrespect women to our faces, rather than trying to conceal their actual views or spin their policy stances as if they’re beneficial to women,” said Trump supporter Laura Coyle, adding that she likes how she knows exactly where she stands with the billionaire due to his straightforward style of calling her gender worthless and disgusting up front. “Sure, I gave Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee a chance. But they just talked in circles like Washington politicians, never offering any straight talk about how they view us as inferior and undeserving of equal treatment or rights. Trump’s a straight shooter, though. What he says is what he believes, which in this case is that most women are either calculating manipulators or repulsive animals.” When polled, Trump’s male supporters indicated their approval for the candidate’s willingness to express his open disdain toward women as well.

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