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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Fetish Only Realized After Watching Wife Drown

MEMPHIS, TN—Recent widower Jeff Dunning, 33, said Monday he experienced a "profound personal awakening" after watching his wife Claudia accidentally drown in the deep end of their swimming pool at a June 16 cocktail party. "I'll never forget how she looked," said Dunning, gazing off at the trees. "Her arms and legs flailing, her terrified expression, her mouth filling with water... It was so arousing. I mean appalling." In an attempt to cope with the realization, Dunning has taken out personal ads inquiring after single women, ages 28 to 35, who enjoy swimming, boating, and binge drinking.

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