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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Fey Rights Group Demands Distinction From Homosexuals

WASHINGTON—A coalition of fey rights activists sashayed on the nation's capital Tuesday, demanding that a clear distinction be made between themselves and homosexual men. "The mincing effete are not always gay, and we believe that differentiating ourselves from the homosexual community is exceedingly important to our identity and way of life," event organizer Eugene Tunney said after pausing to suggestively apply a fragrant, lightly tinted lip balm. "Keeping everyone eternally guessing with our limp-wristed mannerisms, lavender dinner jackets, and incongruous interests in sports and women is the inalienable right of the fey man." The demonstration was reportedly supported by bear rights groups composed of hundreds of burly, hypermasculine homosexuals who were marching to ensure that a distinction be made between themselves and fey men.

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