Fey Rights Group Demands Distinction From Homosexuals

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PONCHA SPRINGS, CO—Still reeling from the sudden loss of their 17-year-old son last week, parents Ben and Martha Harwich spoke Tuesday about the largely unremarkable young man they said would have faced a disappointing and frustrating future had his life not been cut short by a car accident.

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Fey Rights Group Demands Distinction From Homosexuals

WASHINGTON—A coalition of fey rights activists sashayed on the nation's capital Tuesday, demanding that a clear distinction be made between themselves and homosexual men. "The mincing effete are not always gay, and we believe that differentiating ourselves from the homosexual community is exceedingly important to our identity and way of life," event organizer Eugene Tunney said after pausing to suggestively apply a fragrant, lightly tinted lip balm. "Keeping everyone eternally guessing with our limp-wristed mannerisms, lavender dinner jackets, and incongruous interests in sports and women is the inalienable right of the fey man." The demonstration was reportedly supported by bear rights groups composed of hundreds of burly, hypermasculine homosexuals who were marching to ensure that a distinction be made between themselves and fey men.

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