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Gaming

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Parents Finally Cave And Buy 33-Year-Old Son PlayStation 1

KENOSHA, WI—Having refused to purchase the video game console since its introduction in 1994, local parents John and Melissa Gionda confirmed Thursday that they had finally caved in and bought a Sony PlayStation 1 for their 33-year-old son, Daniel.
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Gaming

Fifth Level Of Video Game Reached During Phone Call To Mom

LONGMONT, CO–While speaking on the phone with his mother Monday, Sega Dreamcast enthusiast Jon Grebe, 22, defeated Sarge to reach the fifth level of Quake III Arena. "Mom was telling me about Aunt Gail's thyroid condition when I finally got the Quad Damage powerup I needed to kill Sarge and get to the end of level four," Grebe said. "I yelled out, 'Yes! Awesome!' Fortunately, Mom was right in the middle of telling me the good news about my aunt's goiter getting smaller, so I was sort of able to cover it up."

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