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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Fighting Continues Over World's Holiest Bombing Sites

JERUSALEM—Bitter fighting between Israel and Hamas reportedly showed no signs of abating Tuesday as both sides continued to lay exclusive claim to several of the most sacred bombing sites in the world.

“The smoldering craters near Jerusalem and Gaza City are of tremendous significance to many major faiths,” said historian Evan Chertok, explaining that droves of devout believers shoot rockets in the direction of the holy bombing grounds every day. “For thousands of years, adherents of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam have congregated at these hallowed war zones to detonate bombs in an expression of their most deeply held beliefs.”

“The irony is that they were originally intended to be inclusive places of violence where people from all over the world could gather to solemnly wage war in the eyes of God,” Chertok said of the revered slaughtering fields. “Sadly, they are now so brutally contested that no easy resolution is in sight.”

Despite the intensifying conflict, activists in both Israel and Gaza expressed hope that the belligerent parties would one day be able to set aside their differences and bomb the disputed lands together in harmony.

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