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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Film About Little Guy Battling Huge, Morally Bankrupt Organization Made By Huge, Morally Bankrupt Organization

LOS ANGELES—A new motion picture about a resilient underdog who somehow finds the courage to take on a giant, faceless corporation was released Friday by 20th Century Fox, a giant, faceless corporation. "We are just so proud of this wonderful film that shows anything is possible with a little persistence," said Fox executive Janet Taylor, who used her company's unbridled wealth and influence to effectively bury two independent movies opening the same weekend. "This incredible can-do spirit is something you don't see enough of this day and age." Taylor then excused herself to go inform 2,000 Fox employees that they no longer had jobs.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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