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Film Character Moves Into Beautiful Brooklyn Brownstone After Getting Dream Publishing Job

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Film Character Moves Into Beautiful Brooklyn Brownstone After Getting Dream Publishing Job

BROOKLYN—After being offered her dream job as an editorial assistant at a high-powered, nationally syndicated magazine last week, area film character Eleanor “Eddie” Edison moved into a beautiful brownstone home in the heart of Brooklyn, sources confirmed. “This place is perfect!” said the attractive, if naively hopeful, protagonist, who graduated with a degree in English/Creative Writing from a well-known northeastern university and now lives in a 5,000-square-foot waterfront property overlooking lower Manhattan. “I’m so lucky I just happened to walk by and see the rent sign in the window. Tonight, after our shopping spree, I will invite my best girlfriends over and we will drink white wine and fill each other in on major developments in our lives while we listen to an album by My Morning Jacket.” At press time, sources confirmed the fictional woman, who is currently single while focusing on her career, had just bumped into an insufferable though admittedly handsome young man downstairs who, as it happens, works at the very same publication she does.

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