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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Film Character Moves Into Beautiful Brooklyn Brownstone After Getting Dream Publishing Job

BROOKLYN—After being offered her dream job as an editorial assistant at a high-powered, nationally syndicated magazine last week, area film character Eleanor “Eddie” Edison moved into a beautiful brownstone home in the heart of Brooklyn, sources confirmed. “This place is perfect!” said the attractive, if naively hopeful, protagonist, who graduated with a degree in English/Creative Writing from a well-known northeastern university and now lives in a 5,000-square-foot waterfront property overlooking lower Manhattan. “I’m so lucky I just happened to walk by and see the rent sign in the window. Tonight, after our shopping spree, I will invite my best girlfriends over and we will drink white wine and fill each other in on major developments in our lives while we listen to an album by My Morning Jacket.” At press time, sources confirmed the fictional woman, who is currently single while focusing on her career, had just bumped into an insufferable though admittedly handsome young man downstairs who, as it happens, works at the very same publication she does.

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