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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Final Week Of "Dumb In America" Looks At Future Of Idiots

In "Half-Wits Ascendant: Towards A Dumber Tomorrow," Host John Harris is embedded with The Brotherhood of the Talon, a group of anti-government revolutionaries deep in the Ozarks, where he uncovers a little-known fact: several of the nation's Founding Founders were actually dumb. Will America finally come to terms with its dumb heritage? Don't miss this final episode of this important series, or the Onion News Netword's follow-up series "Dumb In America 2: State of Dumbergency," coming in 2012.

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