adBlockCheck

Financially Ruined Executive Still Piecing Life Back Together 2 Years After Occupy Movement

Top Headlines

Recent News

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

Office Manager Unveils New Rule

WARREN, MI—Stipulating that the regulation would take effect immediately, Summit Industries office manager Angela Werner reportedly unveiled a new rule Tuesday in a company-wide email.

Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

VATICAN CITY—Describing the groundbreaking work as a major step forward for theological research, a team of Vatican geneticists held a press conference Tuesday at the Apostolic Palace to announce they had successfully cloned God.

What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

SECAUCUS, NJ—Wondering aloud how the father of three even managed to find the online image-hosting service, family members of local dad Phil Yates told reporters Monday the 57-year-old had shared a photo album with them through a never-before-seen website.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Financially Ruined Executive Still Piecing Life Back Together 2 Years After Occupy Movement

Former Goldman Sachs executive Arthur Stratton says life has been very different for him since the Occupy movement left him suddenly jobless and financially devastated.
Former Goldman Sachs executive Arthur Stratton says life has been very different for him since the Occupy movement left him suddenly jobless and financially devastated.

NEW YORK—More than two years after the commencement of the Occupy Wall Street protests, former Wall Street executive and financially devastated man Arthur Stratton, 65, told reporters Monday from his modest one-bedroom apartment in Washington Heights that he continues to attempt to piece his life back together in the wake of the monumental social movement that left him ruined.

The onetime Goldman Sachs investment banker, who before the widespread demonstrations against economic inequality enjoyed a massively lucrative career defined by greed, reckless spending, and questionable business practices, is now, in the wake of the Occupy movement, down to little more than $6,000 in personal savings, forced to work menial labor in order to stay afloat.

“Nothing’s been the same for me since those protests—they were my downfall,” said Stratton, who like each of his similarly overpaid peers lost his job within days of the first group of activists amassing on New York’s Zuccotti Park. “As soon as I saw those thousands of people calling for an end to Wall Street excess, I knew that it was only a matter of time before every single man and woman in our office was out on the streets. And that’s exactly what happened. All that’s left for me now is to try and pick up the pieces.”

“In the end, we all had to face the music, you know?” Stratton continued as he got dressed for his job as a night shift security guard at a local office complex. “Occupy was just too powerful a force to ignore.”

Prior to the nationwide demonstrations against Wall Street’s ingrained culture of corporate malfeasance, Stratton enjoyed an opulent lifestyle marked by a bloated annual salary of $12.2 million, but that was before Goldman Sachs, like all the major American investment firms, laid off the majority of its workforce and overhauled its investment practices to conform to the ethical principles demanded by the OWS protesters.

Stratton told reporters he can still recall the shock and dismay he felt two years ago when, due to the immense and immediate effects of the Occupy movement, which included extensive regulatory oversight of the financial industry, strict compensation limits, and an end to Wall Street’s overbearing influence on government policy, the former senior vice president and his fellow bankers were forced out of their seats of power, never to return.

Today, Stratton, who works for New York state’s minimum wage of $7.25 per hour, says that his personal financial collapse was, in retrospect, painful but not unexpected.

“We were all living pretty high on the hog, and anyone who saw those tents go up in Zuccotti Park back in 2011 could have told you right then and there that it was all over,” Stratton said, noting that he was forced to sell his lavish Park Avenue penthouse, his private jet, and his art collection in the wake of his sudden, calamitous fall from the top tax bracket. “No more corporate retreats in Cabo, no more expense accounts, no more dinners at the best restaurants in town; all of that was gone forever as soon as you heard those drums start up.”

“I got my comeuppance, I suppose,” he added. “We all did.”

While Stratton explained that his fall from grace has left him scrambling to get back on his feet, he conceded that the Occupy protests had, admittedly, achieved a positive effect on the world. Specifically, the down-and-out investment banker said that the evenhanded distribution of wealth, diminished influence of corporations, and utter lack of Wall Street corruption enjoyed by the U.S. over the past two years simply could not have occurred without the influential movement.

“Don’t get me wrong, I miss the good life, but the social impact achieved by those demonstrations cannot be denied at this point,” Stratton said, referring to the widespread socioeconomic parity that has existed nationwide since 2011. “Up until that protest, poverty, economic inequality, and outrageous Wall Street misconduct were an inescapable part of life. But that all ended the second those protesters decided enough was enough. Occupy arrived with a message, and people all across the country, including our federal government, heard that message loud and clear.”

“And the days of outrageous greed and excess on Wall Street?” Stratton continued, as he packed a sack lunch. “Well, that all seems like a dream now. Some strange, crazy dream.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close