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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Fiona Apple Song Reminds Girl To Be Depressed

LOS ANGELES—Her mood dangerously optimistic at the end of the school year, teenager Christine Lowell was reminded of the need to assume a sullen, self-pitying manner Monday by the Fiona Apple song "Sleep To Dream." "God, I don't see why I should have to continue facing these phonies every day of my miserable life," Lowell said after the song came into rotation on her MP3 player. "I can't be, you know, stifled by your insignificant ways, all right?" At last report, Lowell's mother, the only witness to Christine's sudden and deliberate mood change, had resumed driving to the supermarket without comment.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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