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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Fiona Apple Song Reminds Girl To Be Depressed

LOS ANGELES—Her mood dangerously optimistic at the end of the school year, teenager Christine Lowell was reminded of the need to assume a sullen, self-pitying manner Monday by the Fiona Apple song "Sleep To Dream." "God, I don't see why I should have to continue facing these phonies every day of my miserable life," Lowell said after the song came into rotation on her MP3 player. "I can't be, you know, stifled by your insignificant ways, all right?" At last report, Lowell's mother, the only witness to Christine's sudden and deliberate mood change, had resumed driving to the supermarket without comment.

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