Firearm-Safety Tips

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.


  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Firearm-Safety Tips

When operating a firearm, safety is paramount. Here are some tips to reduce the risk of mishaps:

  • Instill in your children a healthy fear of guns by drunkenly waving one in their faces whenever you've had a few too many.
  • If you shoot yourself in the foot, immediately contact a therapist to help you confront your fear of success.
  • Dismantle your gun and melt it into a plowshare.
  • Have spouse and children wear blaze orange and shout, "Family coming through!" when moving from room to room in your home.
  • Unload gun each night by firing into ceiling, counting each bullet in screamed German.
  • Store your gun at least four feet from your liquor cabinet.
  • Never let your child play with a gun that is loaded.
  • Stress to your children that guns are only for shooting bad people. Make sure they know the difference between good and bad people by having them name examples of each from their daily lives.
  • Boil your bullets to prevent transmitting germs to people you shoot.
  • Never use a firearm to settle a poker dispute, unless it's the absolute last option.
  • Shoot a puppy at point-blank range to illustrate to your children the seriousness of guns.
  • When preparing to pistol-whip someone, make sure the safety is on.
  • Don't leave bullets on the floor where you can slip on them. That's the real killer.