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Tips

How To Start A Community Garden

A community gardening project is a good way to spur neighborhood involvement, but it requires careful planning and logistics. Here are The Onion’s tips for starting a community garden:

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Home Repair Tips

When projects need to be completed around the house, calling contractors can be expensive. Here are The Onion’s tips for do-it-yourself home repairs:
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Firearm-Safety Tips

When operating a firearm, safety is paramount. Here are some tips to reduce the risk of mishaps:


  • Instill in your children a healthy fear of guns by drunkenly waving one in their faces whenever you've had a few too many.
  • If you shoot yourself in the foot, immediately contact a therapist to help you confront your fear of success.
  • Dismantle your gun and melt it into a plowshare.
  • Have spouse and children wear blaze orange and shout, "Family coming through!" when moving from room to room in your home.
  • Unload gun each night by firing into ceiling, counting each bullet in screamed German.
  • Store your gun at least four feet from your liquor cabinet.
  • Never let your child play with a gun that is loaded.
  • Stress to your children that guns are only for shooting bad people. Make sure they know the difference between good and bad people by having them name examples of each from their daily lives.
  • Boil your bullets to prevent transmitting germs to people you shoot.
  • Never use a firearm to settle a poker dispute, unless it's the absolute last option.
  • Shoot a puppy at point-blank range to illustrate to your children the seriousness of guns.
  • When preparing to pistol-whip someone, make sure the safety is on.
  • Don't leave bullets on the floor where you can slip on them. That's the real killer.
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