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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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First Disk Of Rosetta Stone Hungarian Just Urges Listeners To Rethink This Whole Thing

ARLINGTON, VA—Software developer Rosetta Stone announced Thursday the launch of a new three-CD-ROM Hungarian language program, the first disk of which is dedicated entirely to urging users to reconsider learning Hungarian. "Think really hard for one second: Do you really want to be doing this? Hungarian? Really?" asks the instructional software, which subsequently reminds users that the Hungarian language contains a 44-letter alphabet, with each noun having 17 different forms. "Seriously, it's not too late to learn Spanish, French, or even German, all of which are really much more useful languages in pretty much any context. Why are you doing this?" The program's second disk reportedly begins with an audible sigh followed by the words "All right, fine. Your funeral."

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