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First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan

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Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

Viewers Impressed By How Male Trump Looked During Debate

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying the Republican nominee exhibited just the qualities they were looking for in the country’s next leader, viewers throughout the nation reported Monday night that they were impressed by how male Donald Trump appeared throughout the first debate.

Poll: 89% Of Debate Viewers Tuning In Solely To See Whether Roof Collapses

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Explaining that the American people showed relatively little interest in learning more about the nominees’ economic, counterterrorism, or immigration policies, a new Quinnipiac University poll revealed that 89 percent of viewers were tuning into Monday night’s presidential debate solely to see whether the roof collapses on the two candidates.

Trump Planning To Throw Lie About Immigrant Crime Rate Out There Early In Debate To Gauge How Much He Can Get Away With

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying he would probably introduce the falsehood in his opening statement or perhaps during his response to the night’s first question, Republican nominee Donald Trump reported Monday he was planning to throw out a blatant lie about the level of crime committed by immigrants early in the first presidential debate to gauge how much he’d be allowed to get away with.

Who Is Gary Johnson?

Former New Mexico governor and Libertarian Party presidential candidate Gary Johnson is gaining some traction in the polls as an alternative to the two major-party nominees. Here’s what you need to know about Johnson

What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing
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First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Following the opening statements by President Barack Obama and challenger Mitt Romney during tonight’s town-hall-style debate, the first question asked by an audience member somehow managed to come from Republican vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan.

“Gov. Romney, let me start off by saying I have a lot of admiration for you and your family, and it’s a great honor to have this opportunity to speak with you,” said Ryan, who wore a flannel shirt tucked into jeans and was introduced by debate moderator Candy Crowley as “Paul, an undecided voter from Wisconsin.” “As a man of faith who hails from America’s heartland and is deeply devoted to his wife and three children, I am very concerned about the direction our country is headed in. Like many voters four years ago, I was skeptical of Barack Obama’s leadership skills, and as we all know, the American people are now paying a terrible price for having elected him president of the United States. This economy has left a lot of good folks out of work, and when our struggling families look at how every single policy enacted by the Obama administration has only made things worse, they can’t help but worry about what will happen if this man is given a second term. I must admit, Gov. Romney, I share their fears. I believe I speak for a lot of us voters who are still on the fence in this election when I say that in your last debate performance—which, by the way, was tremendous—you presented an admirable plan to rein in the deficit and bring back jobs to America. All of this pertains to my question, which I’ll get to in a moment, but first I want to quickly build on my earlier statement and note that I’m both a religious man and a family man, and it’s been a tremendous reassurance to hear you speak of your commitment to families and to the values that define who we are as Americans. I do want to wrap this up, but not before I tell you that my wife, my children, my mother, and all the people I know stand behind you. America stands behind you. God bless you, Gov. Romney, and God bless America. Now, given the savagery with which Barack Obama has worked to destroy everything we hold dear in this country, will you be able to reverse each of his failed policies in your first 100 days in office—or can you do it even faster than that?”

The vice presidential candidate then sat down and immediately raised his hand again for a “follow-up question.”

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