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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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First Report On Long-Term Effects Of Breakdancing Released

NEW YORK—More than two decades after the breakdancing craze peaked, the first data on its long-term health effects was published Tuesday in the Strong Island Journal Of Medicine. "We've found permanent shoulder pop, elbow lock, and spin-neck in '80s-era breakdancers," said Dr. Young MD, the report's author. "For years, many subjects had thrown their hands in the air without exercising the proper care." Breakdancing researchers hope to further medical diagnostic advances pioneered by 1999's groundbreaking "Death Before And After Disco" study.

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