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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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First-Term Congressman Brings Fresh Roadblocks To Table

WASHINGTON—Praising the bold new perspective he has introduced to Congress since being sworn in last week, sources said Monday that first-term representative Barry Loudermilk (R-GA) has already brought a host of fresh roadblocks to the table. “He’s coming in here with an outsider point of view and original obstacles that can help us really bring things to a standstill this session,” said seven-term representative Mike Rogers (R-AL), adding that he was excited to work with someone who had not yet been worn down by years of the same tired obstructive tactics. “It’s so energizing to see a fresh face in this chamber with unexpected ideas for stalling a bill in its tracks and totally out-of-the-box approaches to making the legislative branch totally ineffectual.” Rogers went on to say, however, that he had seen this kind of thing before and that it was only a matter of time before his new colleague was attaching the same burdensome riders as everyone else.

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