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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Fish At Pretty Good Place In Its Life Right Now

GULF OF MEXICO—Pausing a moment from swimming around its shallow coastal habitat to speak with reporters, a 14-month-old Atlantic tarpon admitted Tuesday that it was currently at a "pretty good place in [its] life" and "couldn’t be happier." "I feel good. I've got my health, I've reached full maturity, the autumnal migration went great—I really can’t complain,” said the 5-foot Megalops atlanticus, stating that it had everything a pelagic fish could ask for, from abundant sources of crab and grass-shrimp to zero predators in its visual field. "And this ambient water temperature and elevated salinity level feel great on my fins. Things just seem to be going my way right now, I guess." The herring went on to say that it didn't want to jinx itself, but it had to admit its spawning prospects were looking "real good" too.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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