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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Fish Murder Is Disgusting And Wrong

Hey folks, real grim Inside the Bench this week on a horrifying subculture of athletes that dare to lure fish in with sharpened hooks designed to look like worms or flies. Brings up some rough stuff from my childhood when my uncle would take me on trips with the express intent of torturing and killing as many fish as we could find.

It was a sick game. Cast a hook into the water. Allow this poor, brainless fish to believe, trusting as you please, that they were about to eat fish food. Then yank with all your might, nearly trying to rip a whole through the top of his mouth and head, eviscerating the creature before it could even be hauled onto the boat.

As what my mother always called a 'sensitive' child, this inspired no shortage of crying and vomiting on my part. Please watch this piece as a favor to me and stop being part of the problem. Be part of the solution.

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