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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.
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Fisher-Price Designer Would Like To See 2-Year-Old Try And Choke On Newest Version

EAST AURORA, NY—Remarking upon the toy’s lack of removable parts and childproof battery compartment, Fisher-Price designer Matthew Hayden told reporters Thursday that he’d like to see a 2-year-old just try and choke on the newest version of the Go Baby Go 1-2-3 Crawl-Along Snail. “I’m telling you, this thing is rock solid. A toddler is welcome to cram it in their mouth and give it their best shot, but there’s no damn way any piece is coming off,” said Hayden, noting that a child aged 6-24 months would have to have “a hell of a big mouth” to be able to swallow the toy’s sliding ladybug component. “Go ahead, leave a kid unattended with the Go Baby Go 1-2-3 Crawl-Along Snail for five minutes and see if anything happens. If a 2-year-old finds a way to lodge any part of this in his trachea, completely obstructing airflow and resulting in death, I’d be impressed. Hell, I’d give him a standing ovation.” Hayden, who confirmed that while there was “no fucking way” a 2-year-old could choke on any part of the Crawl-Along Snail, said he couldn’t speak to whether or not the toy’s paint contained any carcinogens.

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